I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
