Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
