dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
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