Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
