She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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