I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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