You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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