i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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