Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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