Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
