Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.

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  (301): porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out. http://tfl.nu/nhkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1494) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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  (561): Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like. http://tfl.nu/svkw
  Replies (42) Good night (2865) Bad night (988)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

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  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3448) Bad night (4216)
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  (510): View more from California

  Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

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  (510): Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on. http://tfl.nu/jv7t
  Replies (6) Good night (4693) Bad night (905)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.

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  (608): She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party. http://tfl.nu/e28o
  Replies (7) Good night (2642) Bad night (995)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.

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  (612): I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies. http://tfl.nu/bycy
  Replies (5) Good night (2137) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?

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  (316): What's life without a lamp shade you wore home? http://tfl.nu/4piv
  Replies (6) Good night (1330) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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  (508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2228) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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  (559): she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer. http://tfl.nu/y0m8
  Replies (8) Good night (975) Bad night (2098)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.

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  (501): The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game. http://tfl.nu/4bmh
  Replies (2) Good night (1173) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.

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  (970): Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard. http://tfl.nu/a8iw
  Replies (1) Good night (976) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"

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  (775): This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat" http://tfl.nu/i7x4
  Replies (6) Good night (798) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.

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  (831): ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty. http://tfl.nu/yaxr
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night

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  (678): Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night http://tfl.nu/l7hl
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third

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  (607): She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third http://tfl.nu/te0l
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (436)

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