Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.