Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon

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  (586): All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon http://tfl.nu/3qwx
  Replies (4) Good night (1038) Bad night (492)
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  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (538) Bad night (1508)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn

  (706): View more from Georgia

  And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her

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  (706): Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn (706): And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her http://tfl.nu/b039
  Replies (49) Good night (3278) Bad night (713)
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  (951): View more from California

  Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.

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  (951): Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out. http://tfl.nu/nz84
  Replies (22) Good night (4397) Bad night (720)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.

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  (801): My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef. http://tfl.nu/9csw
  Replies (31) Good night (603) Bad night (4753)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

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  (715): apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night. http://tfl.nu/2r4z
  Replies (6) Good night (4262) Bad night (797)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?

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  (605): How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts? http://tfl.nu/1g9l
  Replies (16) Good night (2824) Bad night (653)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

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  (586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw
  Replies (15) Good night (852) Bad night (2784)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums

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  (732): apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums http://tfl.nu/96xk
  Replies (12) Good night (1016) Bad night (1856)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?

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  (843): New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard. (321): Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman? http://tfl.nu/4ln7
  Replies (6) Good night (692) Bad night (1648)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.

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  (253): He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/0nhv
  Replies (8) Good night (826) Bad night (341)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.

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  (704): You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now. http://tfl.nu/1b3b
  Replies (2) Good night (726) Bad night (240)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (200)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.

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  (478): You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute. http://tfl.nu/rc1u
  Replies (1) Good night (250) Bad night (449)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.

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  (513): My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck. http://tfl.nu/0395
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (197)

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