it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm at about main and main street
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."