im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.