We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
