Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
