I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
