Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
