just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
