I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
