I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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