If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
