im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
