Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
