Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
