Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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