I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
