How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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