you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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