my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
