i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
