$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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