I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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