Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
