Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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