i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
