I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
