So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
