Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
