fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
