I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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