No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
