please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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