Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
