"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
