Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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