Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
