do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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