So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do vagina's smell?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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