I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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