you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
