So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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