I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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