Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
