She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
