is your mom at the bar?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
