Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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