then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
