I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
