Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
