Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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