My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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