I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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