like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
