Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father