I just cut my nipple shaving
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."