She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!