We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?