Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.