I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You are the jesus of drinking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
