I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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