apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i think my cat just said my name.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
