I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
