Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
