I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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