I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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