It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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