Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
