I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
